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- Emily Dickinson

You know that Portrait in the Moon --

So tell me who 'tis like --

The very Brow -- the stooping eyes --

A fog for -- Say -- Whose Sake?

...

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noun

A decorated cloth hung at the back of a stage.

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692 words~4 min read

The Sketchbook Page I Hid

I remember the exact moment I drew it. It was a Tuesday afternoon in late October, and I was sitting at my desk with a new charcoal pencil I had bought from the art supply shop. My bedroom door was closed, and the only light came from my small desk lamp. I wasn't supposed to be drawing—I had maths homework due the next day—but something in me just needed to get that image out. It was a portrait of my grandmother, but not the way anyone else saw her. I drew her with her hands resting on a worn wooden table, her eyes looking down at something only she could see. I didn't plan it; my hand just moved, and the lines appeared like they had been waiting there all along.

When I finished, I stared at the page for a long time. The shading around her knuckles was exactly right, and the way the light fell across her cheek made her look both tired and peaceful. I had never drawn anything that felt so true before. But then a strange feeling crept in. I didn't want anyone to see it. Not my mum, not my best friend, not even my art teacher. It felt too personal, like I had accidentally written a secret in a language only I could understand. So I did something I had never done with a drawing before: I carefully tore the page out of my sketchbook and slid it into the back pocket of an old folder I kept under my bed.

For the next few weeks, I pretended the drawing didn't exist. I went to art class and worked on still-life projects with apples and vases, but every time I opened my sketchbook, I felt a small tug in my chest. The missing page left a rough edge along the spine, and I would run my finger over it when no one was looking. Part of me wanted to show someone, to hear them say it was good. But a bigger part was afraid that if I showed it, the drawing would lose something—that the private meaning I had poured into it would evaporate like breath on a cold window.

So I did something I had never done with a drawing before: I carefully tore the page out of my sketchbook and slid it into the back pocket of an old folder I kept under my bed.

Then one day in November, my art teacher announced that we would be submitting one piece for a school exhibition. She said we could choose any work from our sketchbooks. My heart dropped. I knew immediately that the portrait was the best thing I had ever drawn, but I also knew I wasn't ready to let it go. I spent the whole weekend flipping through my sketchbook, looking at landscapes and abstract shapes, trying to convince myself that something else would do. But every time I looked at the rough edge where the page used to be, I felt like I was lying to myself.

On Monday morning, I made a decision. I pulled the folder out from under my bed and took out the drawing. The paper was slightly curled at the corners, and there was a faint crease down the middle where I had folded it without thinking. I smoothed it out on my desk and looked at my grandmother's face. Her eyes still held that quiet sadness I had tried to capture. I realised then that hiding the drawing wasn't protecting it—it was keeping it from being seen, from being real. I put it back in my sketchbook, right where it belonged, and carried it to school.

The day of the exhibition, my drawing hung on the wall between a watercolour landscape and a charcoal self-portrait. I stood in front of it for a long time, watching people walk past. Some stopped and looked, and I felt my stomach tighten. But then a girl from my English class came up and said, "That's really beautiful. It looks like you know her." I nodded, and for the first time, I didn't want to hide. The sketchbook page I had hidden for so long was finally out in the open, and somehow, it still felt like mine. I learned that some things need to be shared to become truly yours.