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- Emily Dickinson

You know that Portrait in the Moon --

So tell me who 'tis like --

The very Brow -- the stooping eyes --

A fog for -- Say -- Whose Sake?

...

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noun

A decorated cloth hung at the back of a stage.

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559 words~3 min read

The Message I Did Not Send

It was late on a Tuesday evening, and my bedroom was quiet except for the hum of the ceiling fan. I had been staring at my phone for what felt like an hour, the screen glowing against the darkness. I had just finished reading a message from my friend Mia, and now my fingers hovered over the keyboard. I wanted to tell her how sorry I was for snapping at her during lunch, knowing that my stress about the geometry test was not an excuse. The words were already typed in the chat box: 'I'm really sorry about today. I was just stressed about the test, and I took it out on you.' My thumb rested on the send button, but I could not press it.

The hesitation came from a mixture of pride and fear. Part of me worried that apologising would make me look weak, as if I was admitting that my stress was not a valid excuse for my behaviour. Another part feared that she might not accept the apology, and then our friendship would become awkward and strained. I remembered how her face had fallen when I raised my voice at her in the canteen, and the memory stung. I wanted to fix things, but I also dreaded the possibility of making them worse by reaching out. So I sat there, caught between two equally uncomfortable options, unable to decide.

The argument had started over something trivial. We were both studying for the maths test, and Mia had asked me to explain a problem I had already gone over twice. I was tired and frustrated, and instead of calmly repeating myself, I snapped. 'Are you even listening?' I said, louder than I intended. Her eyes widened, and she did not say anything for a moment. Then she packed her bag and walked away. The rest of lunch, I sat alone, replaying the moment and feeling worse with every bite of my sandwich. The message I wanted to send was my attempt to undo that mistake.

Part of me worried that apologising would make me look weak, as if I was admitting that my stress was not a valid excuse for my behaviour.

In the end, I did not send the message that night. I deleted the text, put my phone on the bedside table, and lay in the dark. The next day, I walked into school with a knot in my stomach. When I saw Mia at her locker, I forced myself to approach her, standing there in the crowded hallway. Instead of sending a typed apology, I said it aloud. The words came out awkward and stilted, but she nodded and said, 'It is okay, I know you did not mean it.' We did not talk much that day, but the ice was broken. I learned that sometimes a genuine conversation is better than a digital one.

Looking back, I still wonder what would have happened if I had sent that message. Would she have responded immediately, or would she have left me on read? I will never know. But not sending it forced me to confront my fear of direct confrontation. It taught me that apologising in person carries more weight and shows more courage, even if it feels harder. I still use texts for quick chats, but for important matters, I try to find the courage to speak face-to-face. The message I did not send became the lesson I needed to learn about honesty and connection.