32 BIOGRAPHY OF
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nd remarked, Do you love them more than God does? —Why then does he not save them? Surely, he has al-mighty power. I blushed, was confounded and silent, and quickly retired to the’ silent woods for bie radand prayer. I asked myself, Does God love the world——the whole world? And has he not almighty powerto save? If so, all must be saved, for who can resisthis power? Had Ia friend or child, whom I greatlyloved, and saw him at the point of drowning, and ut-terly unable to help himself, and if I were perfectlyable to save him, would I not do it? Would I notcontradict my love to him—my very nature, f I didnot save him? Should I not do wrong in withholdingmy power? And will not God save all whom heloves? These were to me puzzling questions—I could not |satisfactorily solve them consistently with my faith. 1was firmly convinced that aecording to Seripture allwere not saved—the. conclusion then was irresistible, —that God did not love all, and therefore it followed ofcourse, that the spirit in me, which loved all the worldso vehemently, could not be the Spirit of God, but thespirit of delusion. My mind became involved in gloom,my troubles rolled back upon me with renewed weight,and all my joys were gone. I prostrated myself before-God in prayer; but it was immediately suggested, youare praying in unbelief, and. ‘“‘whatsoever is not offaith is sin.”” You must believe or expect no goodfrom the hand of God. ButI cannot believe; as sooncould I make a world. Then you must be damned,for, ‘che that believeth not shall be damned.’’—But willthe Lord condemn me to eternal punishment for notdoing an impossibility? ~ So I thought. I shudderwhile I write San ea ee rose in my heart against sucha God, and my tongue was tempted to utter it. Sweatprofusely burst from the pores of my body, and the firesof hell gat hold on me. In this uncommon state Ire-mained for two or three days.
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