XIV.
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hus with himself communion held he, tillHe reached the summit of his tower-crowned hill:There at the portal paused--for wild and softHe heard those accents never heard too oft!Through the high lattice far yet sweet they rung,And these the notes his Bird of Beauty sung: 1. "Deep in my soul that tender secret dwells,Lonely and lost to light for evermore,Save when to thine my heart responsive swells,Then trembles into silence as before. 350 2. "There, in its centre, a sepulchral lampBurns the slow flame, eternal--but unseen;Which not the darkness of Despair can damp,Though vain its ray as it had never been. 3. "Remember me--Oh! pass not thou my graveWithout one thought whose relics there recline:The only pang my bosom dare not braveMust be to find forgetfulness in thine. 4. "My fondest--faintest--latest accents hear--[ht]Grief for the dead not Virtue can reprove; 360Then give me all I ever asked--a tear,[203]The first--last--sole reward of so much love!" He passed the portal, crossed the corridor,And reached the chamber as the strain gave o'er:"My own Medora! sure thy song is sad--" "In Conrad's absence would'st thou have it glad?Without thine ear to listen to my lay,Still must my song my thoughts, my soul betray:Still must each accent to my bosom suit,My heart unhushed--although my lips were mute! 370Oh! many a night on this lone couch reclined,My dreaming fear with storms hath winged the wind,And deemed the breath that faintly fanned thy sailThe murmuring prelude of the ruder gale;Though soft--it seemed the low prophetic dirge,That mourned thee floating on the savage surge:Still would I rise to rouse the beacon fire,Lest spies less true should let the blaze expire;And many a restless hour outwatched each star,And morning came--and still thou wert afar. 380Oh! how the chill blast on my bosom blew,And day broke dreary on my troubled view,And still I gazed and gazed--and not a prowWas granted to my tears--my truth--my vow!At length--'twas noon--I hailed and blest the mastThat met my sight--it neared--Alas! it passed!Another came--Oh God! 'twas thine at last!Would that those days were over! wilt thou ne'er,My Conrad! learn the joys of peace to share?Sure thou hast more than wealth, and many a home 390As bright as this invites us not to roam:Thou know'st it is not peril that I fear,I only tremble when thou art not here;Then not for mine, but that far dearer life,Which flies from love and languishes for strife--How strange that heart, to me so tender still,Should war with Nature and its better will!" "Yea, strange indeed--that heart hath long been changed;Worm-like 'twas trampled--adder-like avenged--Without one hope on earth beyond thy love, 400And scarce a glimpse of mercy from above.Yet the same feeling which thou dost condemn,My very love to thee is hate to them,So closely mingling here, that disentwined,I cease to love thee when I love Mankind:Yet dread not this--the proof of all the pastAssures the future that my love will last;But--Oh, Medora! nerve thy gentler heart;This hour again--but not for long--we part." "This hour we part!--my heart foreboded this: 410Thus ever fade my fairy dreams of bliss.This hour--it cannot be--this hour away!Yon bark hath hardly anchored in the bay:Her consort still is absent, and her crewHave need of rest before they toil anew;My Love! thou mock'st my weakness; and wouldst steelMy breast before the time when it must feel;But trifle now no more with my distress,Such mirth hath less of play than bitterness.Be silent, Conrad!--dearest! come and share 420The feast these hands delighted to prepare;Light toil! to cull and dress thy frugal fare!See, I have plucked the fruit that promised best,And where not sure, perplexed, but pleased, I guessedAt such as seemed the fairest; thrice the hillMy steps have wound to try the coolest rill;Yes! thy Sherbet to-night will sweetly flow,See how it sparkles in its vase of snow!The grapes' gay juice thy bosom never cheers;Thou more than Moslem when the cup appears: 430Think not I mean to chide--for I rejoiceWhat others deem a penance is thy choice.But come, the board is spread; our silver lampIs trimmed, and heeds not the Sirocco's damp:Then shall my handmaids while the time along,And join with me the dance, or wake the song;Or my guitar, which still thou lov'st to hear,Shall soothe or lull--or, should it vex thine ear,We'll turn the tale, by Ariosto told,Of fair Olympia loved and left of old.[204] 440Why, thou wert worse than he who broke his vowTo that lost damsel, should thou leave me _now_--Or even that traitor chief--I've seen thee smile,When the clear sky showed Ariadne's Isle,Which I have pointed from these cliffs the while:And thus half sportive--half in fear--I said,Lest Time should raise that doubt to more than dread,Thus Conrad, too, will quit me for the main:And he deceived me--for--he came again!" "Again, again--and oft again--my Love! 450If there be life below, and hope above,He will return--but now, the moments bringThe time of parting with redoubled wing:The why, the where--what boots it now to tell?Since all must end in that wild word--Farewell!Yet would I fain--did time allow--disclose--Fear not--these are no formidable foes!And here shall watch a more than wonted guard,For sudden siege and long defence prepared:Nor be thou lonely, though thy Lord's away, 460Our matrons and thy handmaids with thee stay;And this thy comfort--that, when next we meet,Security shall make repose more sweet.List!--'tis the bugle!"--Juan shrilly blew--"One kiss--one more--another--Oh! Adieu!"She rose--she sprung--she clung to his embrace,Till his heart heaved beneath her hidden face:He dared not raise to his that deep-blue eye,Which downcast drooped in tearless agony.Her long fair hair lay floating o'er his arms, 470In all the wildness of dishevelled charms;Scarce beat that bosom where his image dweltSo full--_that_ feeling seem'd almost unfelt!Hark--peals the thunder of the signal-gun!It told 'twas sunset, and he cursed that sun.Again--again--that form he madly pressed,Which mutely clasped, imploringly caressed![hu]And tottering to the couch his bride he bore,One moment gazed--as if to gaze no more;Felt that for him Earth held but her alone, 480Kissed her cold forehead--turned--is Conrad gone?
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