Then you must be blind.
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Very possible. Still I see nothing but a tumultuous mob ofidiots and madmen, who are busy in prostrating themselves beforea gigantic cameleopard, and endeavoring to obtain a kiss of theanimal’s hoofs. See! the beast has very justly kicked one of therabble over—and another—and another—and another. Indeed, I cannothelp admiring the animal for the excellent use he is making ofhis feet.” Rabble, indeed!—why these are the noble and free citizens ofEpidaphne! Beasts, did you say?—take care that you are notoverheard. Do you not perceive that the animal has the visage ofa man? Why, my dear sir, that cameleopard is no other thanAntiochus Epiphanes, Antiochus the Illustrious, King of Syria,and the most potent of all the autocrats of the East! It is true,that he is entitled, at times, Antiochus Epimanes—Antiochus themadman—but that is because all people have not the capacity toappreciate his merits. It is also certain that he is at presentensconced in the hide of a beast, and is doing his best to playthe part of a cameleopard; but this is done for the bettersustaining his dignity as king. Besides, the monarch is ofgigantic stature, and the dress is therefore neither unbecomingnor over large. We may, however, presume he would not haveadopted it but for some occasion of especial state. Such, youwill allow, is the massacre of a thousand Jews. With how superiora dignity the monarch perambulates on all fours! His tail, youperceive, is held aloft by his two principal concubines, Ellineand Argelais; and his whole appearance would be infinitelyprepossessing, were it not for the protuberance of his eyes,which will certainly start out of his head, and the queer colorof his face, which has become nondescript from the quantity ofwine he has swallowed. Let us follow him to the hippodrome,whither he is proceeding, and listen to the song of triumph whichhe is commencing: Who is king but Epiphanes?Say—do you know?Who is king but Epiphanes?Bravo!—bravo!There is none but Epiphanes,No—there is none:So tear down the temples,And put out the sun! Well and strenuously sung! The populace are hailing him ‘Princeof Poets,’ as well as ‘Glory of the East,’ ‘Delight of theUniverse,’ and ‘Most Remarkable of Cameleopards.’ They haveencored his effusion, and do you hear?—he is singing it overagain. When he arrives at the hippodrome, he will be crowned withthe poetic wreath, in anticipation of his victory at theapproaching Olympics. “But, good Jupiter! what is the matter in the crowd behind us?” Behind us, did you say?—oh! ah!—I perceive. My friend, it is wellthat you spoke in time. Let us get into a place of safety as soonas possible. Here!—let us conceal ourselves in the arch of thisaqueduct, and I will inform you presently of the origin of thecommotion. It has turned out as I have been anticipating. Thesingular appearance of the cameleopard and the head of a man,has, it seems, given offence to the notions of proprietyentertained, in general, by the wild animals domesticated in thecity. A mutiny has been the result; and, as is usual upon suchoccasions, all human efforts will be of no avail in quelling themob. Several of the Syrians have already been devoured; but thegeneral voice of the four-footed patriots seems to be for eatingup the cameleopard. ‘The Prince of Poets,’ therefore, is upon hishinder legs, running for his life. His courtiers have left him inthe lurch, and his concubines have followed so excellent anexample. ‘Delight of the Universe,’ thou art in a sadpredicament! ‘Glory of the East,’ thou art in danger ofmastication! Therefore never regard so piteously thy tail; itwill undoubtedly be draggled in the mud, and for this there is nohelp. Look not behind thee, then, at its unavoidable degradation;but take courage, ply thy legs with vigor, and scud for thehippodrome! Remember that thou art Antiochus Epiphanes. Antiochusthe Illustrious!—also ‘Prince of Poets,’ ‘Glory of the East,’‘Delight of the Universe,’ and ‘Most Remarkable of Cameleopards!’Heavens! what a power of speed thou art displaying! What acapacity for leg-bail thou art developing! Run, Prince!—Bravo,Epiphanes! Well done, Cameleopard!—Glorious Antiochus!—Heruns!—he leaps!—he flies! Like an arrow from a catapult heapproaches the hippodrome! He leaps!—he shrieks!—he is there!This is well; for hadst thou, ‘Glory of the East,’ been half asecond longer in reaching the gates of the Amphitheatre, there isnot a bear’s cub in Epidaphne that would not have had a nibble atthy carcase. Let us be off—let us take our departure!—for weshall find our delicate modern ears unable to endure the vastuproar which is about to commence in celebration of the king’sescape! Listen! it has already commenced. See!—the whole town istopsy-turvy. “Surely this is the most populous city of the East! What awilderness of people! what a jumble of all ranks and ages! what amultiplicity of sects and nations! what a variety of costumes!what a Babel of languages! what a screaming of beasts! what atinkling of instruments! what a parcel of philosophers!”
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